


Cause We Could Be Immortals, But Not For Long

by ughdotcom



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst with a Happy Ending, As in ice skating BTW, Ballerina! Patton, Child Neglect, Dancer! Patton, Dancer! Roman, Dancers, Don't copy to another site, Enemies to Lovers, F/F, Genderfluid Character, M/M, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary! Remy, Other, Polyamory, Punk! Logan, Single Parents, Skater! Logan, Skater! Virgil, Slow Burn, Swearing, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, Sympathetic Remus Sanders, Tumbler! Logan, Tumbler! Virgil, Tumblers, Warning: you know that one slur for gay people?, sorry - Freeform, trans! virgil, yes that's in this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-11
Updated: 2019-10-17
Packaged: 2020-06-25 01:44:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19735834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ughdotcom/pseuds/ughdotcom
Summary: Virgil and Logan have been at each other’s throats since they first started competing in gymnastics against each other, and Patton and Roman are both dancers with a competitive hatred towards each other. Oops! They accidentally spilled their feelings for each other. Spoiler alert? They’re kinda gay for each other.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Immortals from Fall Out Boy
> 
> I swear it isnt as angsty as it sounds

Logan Sanders sat patiently in the gymnasium, waiting for his turn. His earbuds were in, and Fall Out Boy was softly playing. He was reading. Then his book was ripped out of his hands. Logan looked up and pulled out his earbuds. “Jordan.” he sighed.

“Sup, fag.” Jordan said. “Whatcha reading?”

Logan ran his hand through his blue hair “You’re not allowed in here, Jordan.”

Jordan had bullied Logan for as long as either of them could remember. He was the only one brave enough to challenge Logan, especially after the Textbook Incident.

“Like I care.”

Logan stood up suddenly. “Give me my book back, Jordan.”

“Logan Sanders!” a voice rang through the room. Logan sighed. He had better not be getting in trouble for fighting when Jordan started it. But no. It was only his turn to tumble.

Logan ripped  _ I Wish You All The Best _ from Jordan’s hands and set it down before walking over to the balance beam.

“Fag!” Jordan mouthed.

Logan flipped him off before starting his routine. For the punk boy, Logan was very graceful, and very skilled.

After he finished his teacher, Mx. Stokes called him over.

“Logan, I want you to compete on the team this year.”

“I’m always on the team.”

“The team competing for nationals.”

Logan grinned. “Really?”

“Yes, Logan. There’s only one problem.”

“Yes?”

“Virgil Silva is on the competing team.” Virgil Silva was Logan’s worst nightmare. He was Logan’s exact match at tumbling, and he tormented Logan to no end. But Logan would be damned if he didn’t go to nationals.

He ran his hand over the fidget cube in his pocket. “I’ll do it anyway.”

Mx. Stokes beamed. “I’m glad, Logan.”

Here’s the thing about Mx. Stokes, or Joan. they are very short, and they always wear an orange beanie. So, at least from behind, Joan would be very easy to confuse with another high school student. And that’s exactly what Jordan did.

“Hey, fag!” he yelled. “Want your book back?” Joan turned around, and Jordan froze. “Oh fuck.” he muttered.

“Oh fuck indeed.” Joan said. “I can make your life hell, Mr. Saint, so I would stop torturing my top performer.”

“Ok, Mx. Stokes.”

“Give Logan his book back, and then fuck off.” Jordan nodded and handed Logan the book before walking off. “So, Logan, you’ll have to practice more often, but that’s okay, right?”

“Yes, Joan”

“Great. Your dad is waiting outside. I’m coming over for dinner tonight and so is Talyn, by the way. Also I think some of your dad’s business associates. Dress nice.”

“Kay. See you.” Logan flung his bag over his shoulder and walked out while waving at his dad’s best friend.

* * *

Virgil Silva knew exactly what he wanted in life. One, stay alive, unhurt, and clean. Two, win the nationals in tumbling. Well, he thought, looking at the fresh cuts on his arms, he was failing number one. He might as well do number two.

There was only one problem with going to nationals, and that was that Logan Sanders was on the opposite team.

Logan Sanders was the bane of Virgil’s existence. He was Virgil’s one main tumbling opponent. So of fucking course he was going to nationals. But Virgil wasn’t going to let that stop him. He could beat Logan.

He was sure he could.

Virgil pulled on his hoodie and fixed his hair in the mirror before walking out of the changing rooms to meet his friend Remy to walk home.

“Gurl!” Remy cried the moment he saw Virgil. “Great to see you! I finally talked to the cute boy from the marching band! Emile?”

Virgil grinned at his best friend. “Cool, Rem. What happened?”

“So, he thought I was bullying him because I’m popular, so nothing really. Want to go to Starbucks?”

“Sorry, but I have homework.”

“Kay. See you tomorrow?”

“See you tomorrow, Remy.” Virgil waved goodbye to him before walking off.

Okay. Virgil had lied. He didn’t have any homework. He loved Remy, he really did, but sometimes he was exhausting. Like when he prattled one about how cute Emile was. Virgil didn’t really care. He listened, but he didn’t care, and today he cared even less. They were going to Virgil’s mom’s business partner of whatever for dinner.

He walked in the front door and pulled his black converse off. “Mom, I’m home.”

“Hey, sweetie! Can you wear something nice? How about that purple skirt?”

“Mom, I’m not getting called a fag.”

“Come on, honey, the man we’re meeting with is gay, and the other person is genderqueer, and the other is also genderqueer. And some of the man’s friends are genderqueer.”

“Okay.”

“How do you act around genderqueer people, Vee? You would know, isn’t Remy nonbinary?”

“Yeah mom. And you act like they’re regular people.” Virgil wondered if just being trans counted as genderqueer, and if so, he was.

“Ok.”

“And I’m not going to wear the skirt.”

“Why, sweetheart? Oh, dysphoria.”

“No, I don’t have that. I just don’t want to make a bad first impression.”

“Okay, honey. Go get dressed.”

Virgil sighed as he flopped on his bed. His eyes grazed the top of his dresser. They landed on the skirt. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt.

* * *

Ever since Patton Bell-Spencer had watched that one show, you know the one, with the rat ballerina, he had wanted to be a ballerina. He was teased for it, because being a ballerina was a “girl thing” apparently. But his mom and his other parent had sat him down.

His mom, Angelica, had told him ballet was multi-gender, and not to listen to the bullies.

His other parent, his mum at the time, Nico, had told him gender roles were arbitrary, and she, a genderfluid person, could confirm this.

He had grinned at his moms.

Patton still did ballet. And he loved it. There was one problem. Roman Prince.

Roman Prince didn’t only do ballet. Roman Prince did every dance known to man. He was the best. And Patton hated him for it.

Angelica said that “You shouldn’t hate him, how about asking him to teach you?”

Nico said “Sounds like an asshole.” Patton had taken Nico’s words to heart.

Patton was changing back into day clothes in the locker room when two boys approached him. “Look at the little faggot, trying to look all nice and straight.”

“Go away.” Patton muttered.

“Ooh, what was that, gay boy?” the bigger one said, pushing him.

“Go away.”

“And why would we do that? Don’t you like boys?”

Patton thought for a minute. What would his ren do? “Yes, but I have standards.”

“Sick burn!” Someone called from across the locker room. Roman came sauntauring up to the boys. “How about you leave him alone?”

“Why? You a faggot too, and want some butt sex?”

“Yes, I’m a faggot, but I’m defending him because I’m a human person, not a maggot like you.”

The bullies jeered and walked away. “You okay?” Roman asked Patton.

“Yeah. Why did you…?”

“Help? Like I said, I’m a human, not a maggot. Sorry. I forgot you hate me.” Roman scowled at Patton and walked off.

Patton watched as he walked off before leaving. The minute he walked through the door Nico called out:

“Yo, Pat! I’m your ren right now, and wear something nice, you’re coming to a business meeting with me.”

“Kay, Ren!” he called back, dashing to his room. What should he wear? He rifled through his clothes. A suit, no. A blazer, no. How about his dress?

He pulled on the pink dress and spun around in the mirror. He looked amazing. He ran down to show Nico.

Nico was wearing a blazer over a balck top and black skinny jeans. “You look cool Pat. Angel! We’re going out!”

“Kay, love! See you! Love you!”

“Love you!”

* * *

Roman Prince finished his practice and entered the locker room. He changed into a white tee shirt, skinny jeans, and his signature letterman jacket. And then he heard the bullies calling someone a fag, as they do often do. They really ought to come up with some better insults. 

“Go away.” the person said.

“And why would we do that? Don’t you like boys?” the bully responded.

“Yes, but I have standards.” he responds. Roman didn’t know who the boy was, but he grinned.

“Sick burn!” Roman walked out, swinging his hips like David Tennant as Crowley. “How about you leave him alone?”

They got into some friendly banter™ before they walked away. Roman grinned, and looked at who he had heroically saved. Oh. Patton Bell-Spencer. Who, for some god forsaken reason, hated Roman. “You okay?” Roman asked.

“Yeah. Patton responded. “Why did you…?”

“Help? Like I said, I’m a human, not a maggot. Sorry. I forgot you hate me.” Roman scowled. Couldn’t he help save Patton from a bully and just get a simple thank you? Was that too much to ask? Apparently. Roman walked off.

When he got home his Zaza, Mim, pointed to his room. “Get dressed in something nice, I have a business meeting.”

“Okay.” Roman smiled at Mim and walked into his room. He rifled through his clothes for something nice. He chose a blazer. He smiled and snapped a picture of himself for his friend Emile.

Roman: Yo Emile I look epic

Emile: Yes you do

Emile: Remy asked me out again

Roman: Dude. Say. Yes.

Emile: It’s just a joke, Ro

Emile: Remy would never like me.

Roman: Honestly you’re an idiot.

Roman: GTG

Emile: Byeeeee

Roman grinned and shoved his phone in his pocket. Emile was an idiot. He and Remy were both head over heels for each other, but Emile always thought Remy was bullying him. Roman sighed. They were so oblivious.

“Roman!” Mim called.

“Coming Zaza!”

* * *

“Logan, get the door!” Thomas said as he finished tying his tie.

“Yes, dad.” Logan groaned, but opened the door to two parents standing by their children. The children where shooting death glares at each other, and Logan recognized them. Patton Bell-Spencer and Roman Prince. They were both dancers, but that was all Logan knew about them.

“Come in.” Logan said, adjusting his tie. “You can sit in our living room. My dad will be down shortly.”

“Hello.” the parent with short red hair with Patton said. “I’m Nico. And you are?”

“I’m Logan Sanders. My father is Thomas.”

“Nice to meet you Logan. Love your fashion sense.” they adjusted their pronoun pin and extended their hand. Logan shook it.

“Nice to meet you too.” Logan grinned at Nico.

“Hello, I’m Mim, I’m nonbinary.” Mim extended her hand and Logan shook it.

“Salutations.” She looked frazzled. Logan hated it.

Logan looked at Patton. “I like your dress.”

Patton gave a small grin. “Thank you.”

“And I like your blazer.”

“Thanks!”

They came in, and soon as they closed the door, a knock sounded from it. Logan opened it, and smiled politely at the woman before glaring daggers at her son.

“Virgil Silva.”

“Logan Sanders.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sup your favorite ughdotcom mod and the cryptid mod are collabing!
> 
> Haha this is gonna be a mindfuck


	2. Chapter 2

They glared at each other for a few minutes before Thomas came up beside his son, placing a hand on Logan’s back.

“How about you let Ms. Silva and her son in, Logan.”

Logan let out a faint hiss but stepped away from the door politely. “Thank you. Hello Thomas.” Ms. Silva gave a nice smile at Thomas.

“Hello, Rebecca. And this is Virgil?”

“Yeah, I’m Virgil. I’m right here, and I can hear.” Virgil snarked.

“Hey, Virgil. I like your skirt.” Virgil tugged on the ends of his skirt unconsciously.

“Um, thanks, I guess.”

Logan leaned over to Virgil and whispered. “Make sure you don’t pull your skirt off.”

“Fuck off, Sanders.” Virgil whispered back.

Rebecca grinned. “Looks like those two hit it off right away.” Virgil sent a glare his mother’s way.

“Yeah.” Thomas said, fully aware they hadn’t. “Shall we go in to eat? Mim and Nico are already here. They brought their children too.”

“Delightful!” Rebecca said. “What’s for dinner, Tom?”

“Thomas.” Thomas corrected carefully. “I made some pasta. Is that good?”

“Sounds wonderful!” She beamed at Thomas. Logan wondered if she knew he was gay. “Come along, Virgil.”

Virgil made a noise in the back of his throat, maybe a scoff, but he followed his mom in anyway.

“So,” Thomas said as Rebecca took her seat, “I was thinking that because we have business to discuss, the children could go up to Logan’s room and eat up there.”

Logan looked at his dad in horror. “Dad!”  _ how dare you _ was left unsaid, but both knew it was there.

“Logan.” Thomas said back. “So, children, grab some food, and then Logan will show you his room.”

Logan sighed as he grabbed some pasta. Well this was going great. “Follow me,” he said, resigned. The others did so.

His room was a mess. Books were everywhere, and so were band tee shirts. Virgil snickered at the mess and Logan glared at him.

“So, I suppose we should introduce ourselves!” Roman said grandly, making them all roll their eyes. “I am Roman Prince.”

“No one cares, Princey.” Virgil said, picking at his food. “Are you sure I can eat this? From what Mom says, Thomas’ cooking skills are shit.”

“Don’t insult my dad! Yes, you can eat it. It’s from one of those food companies.”

“Daddy’s boy” mouthed Virgil. Logan flipped him off.

“Oh, like Hello, Fresh?” Patton said, recalling that some of his favorite YouTube channels had advertised it.

“Exactly.”

“That does nothing to assure me this is edible.” Virgil said, taking a bite. “Holy shit, who uses this many spices!”

Roman took a bite and shrugged. “Eh. My zaza uses more.”

Patton glared at him for no reason at all. Roman glared back, taking the glare as a personal assault against his zaza.

Patton took a bite, and then took a gulp of water. “Did your dad check how much spice he was putting in this?”

“Probably not.” Logan said.

“This tastes like when my ren tried to cook and forgot how strong literally everything is.” Patton said, hoping one of them would ask how you forget how strong spices are. None of them did.

Logan set his plate down, untouched, and picked up his book. The others looked at him. He ignored them, flipping the page. After a few minutes he finally set it down. “ _ What? _ ”

“You read?” Roman asked.

“Yes? Otherwise I would be failing high school, dumbass.”

“You don’t seem the type.” Roman covered up, clumsily.

“Great. You have literally never seen me. Have fun making assumptions about people your entire life.”

“You do kinda come off as a person who has cheated on every test in your life.” Virgil said.

“Amazing deduction, Silva. So do you. Can I read now?”

Suddenly a voice called “Children!” from downstairs.

Logan sighed. “Fuck.” As he got up, slipping a bookmark in.

“It’s time for dessert.” Thomas said, handing each child a plate with cake on it. “Into the living room we go!”

Virgil stuck out his leg to trip Logan and Logan jumped over it nimbly. “We’re both tumblers, Silva. Don’t underestimate me.”

Virgil flipped him off. Logan smirked and Virgil turned around to see an adult standing behind him. Virgil just glared at them.

“Dude. I’m not going to get either of you in trouble. Just don’t hurt my son and you’ll be fine.” Nico said. “Now let me through, or I’ll find a way to hijack your music so it only plays Taylor Swift.”

“Quite a threat.” Nico flipped Logan off and walked into the living room, flopping down next to their son. Logan briefly wondered how Nico was even an adult.

Virgil sat on the chair that Logan frequented, making Logan sit on the couch next to Mim, who was twisting their hands over something or other. Virgil smirked at Logan who gave him the bird.

“Lo.” Thomas said.

“Lo?” Virgil mouthed at Logan incredulously. Logan sighed, rolled his eyes, and ate a bite of cake.

The room was filled with silence as everyone ate. After a minute or so of this Nico sighed.

“We’re supposed to small talk I suppose.”

“No one wants to, Ms. Bell-Spencer.” Roman said.

“It’s just Spencer, and it’s Mx. right now, thank you.”

Roman, to his credit, turned red with embarrassment. “Sorry Mx. Spencer.”

“It’s not a problem. Just get it right next time.” Nico lowered their voice and asked Patton “Is this the dick?”

“Language, Ren.” Patton whispered back. “And yes.”

“They seem horrid.” Patton laughed.

“So, what is you guy’s business anyway? Zaza never said.”

“Oh, we all support each other in our jobs that rely on creativity,” Thomas said, “For example, I’m a youtuber, while Nico is an author, Rebecca is a painter, and Mim is a musician.”

“You are?” Roman looked at his zaza in surprise.

“You didn’t know this?”

“I guess you just forgot to tell me.” Roman said casually.

“Yeah.” Mim grinned at Roman. “Thanks for understanding.”

“Of course.”

“Nico, why don’t you talk about your current story?” Rebecca cut in.

“What if one of the kids takes my idea?”

“Fine, don’t.” Rebecca said with a sigh.

A knock sounded from the door. “Oh, those are my friends.” Thomas said, getting up to get the door.

“Fucking finally.” Logan whispered, causing Mim to look at him in surprise.

“Don’t swear.”

“Why not?” Logan retorted, 

Mim was going to say something, but Logan was saved by Joan who burst into the living room saying “Sup, fuckers!”, Talyn trailing after them.

“Hi, Joan.” Logan waved at them.

“Hey, Logan.”

“Mx. Stokes?” Roman said.

“Hello Roman, Patton, Roman and Patton’s parents.”

“Nico. They/them currently.”

“Mim. They/them always.”

“Joan. They/them. And this is Talyn.”

Talyn rolled their eyes. “I can introduce myself. I’m Talyn. They/them. Who’re these?” they gestured in the general direction of Virgil and Rebecca.

“Rebecca. She/her.”

“Virgil. He/him.”

“Great we had introductions. Interesting fact, we’ve done everything we had to do and my wife is waiting so, I need to go.” Nico clapped their hands. “Can I go?”

“Yeah, that is true.” Thomas pondered. “Yeah, you can go.”

“Thanks, Thomas.” Nico grinned. “Coming, Pat?”

“Yeah, bye Mr. Sanders, Ms. Silva, Mx. Prince.”

“Call me Thomas.”

“Call me Rebecca.”

“Call me Mim. Roman, come on, Remus is getting back from boarding school tonight anyway.” Mim said, getting up. Roman got up and followed them, smiling at the adults and waving.

“Mom, can we go?”

“Sure, Virgil.”

As soon as they all left Logan flopped on the chair. “Oh thank  _ fuck _ .” he groaned.

“Language!” Thomas admonished as Joan and Talyn laughed.

* * *

  
  


“Remus is really getting back tonight?” Roman asked as he got in the passenger seat.

“Yes, Roman.”

“Why didn’t you tell me!” he protested.

“I’m sure I did.”

Roman folded his arms but didn’t protest, though they hadn’t told him that Remus was getting back.

Roman loved his brother. Remus was a bit of a rebel, but Roman didn’t see anything wrong with him. Remus just tended to have intrusive thoughts, which usually made him have panic attacks. But Mim hadn’t been concerned with the fact that Remus was highly upset by these thoughts, they were concerned that Remus had told them they existed. So off to boarding school Remus went, making not only Roman cry with the deprivation of his twin, but also Remus’ boyfriend Dee. Dee was perfect for Remus, they both had somewhat dark humor and were thought of as those weird emo/punk/goth kids, a title Logan had claimed as soon as Remus left and Dee started becoming more scene.

* * *

  
  


“I signed you up for ice skating classes.” Rebecca declared as soon as they got out of Logan’s house.

“You did  _ what _ !”

“Ice skating. The parenting website said that sports that don’t correlate with the child’s gender makes them less likely to be sexist.”

Virgil groaned as he got in the car. “Mom, I’m trans. I’m called a girl everyday. I’m not going to be  _ sexist _ .”

“It’s too late anyway, sorry honey.” Virgil sighed. Sometimes he wondered if his mom tried to make him do feminine things because she still wanted a daughter. Probably.

Virgil hoped no one from his school would figure this out, because if one more person called him female his was going to scream.

He stuck his hands in his pockets and felt a piece of paper. He took it out. Someone’s number, upon closer inspection. He was about to text the number but then a text came in from his online friend.

* * *

“I see what you mean about Roman.” Nico said as they pulled into the drive through to get Patton food.

“He’s just so rude!”

“Yep. His zaza seemed like a bitch, though.”

“Language!”

“English!” Nico said jokingly.

“Also, no gendered insults for non gendered people, Ren.”

“They seem like an ass.” they corrected. “Want a milkshake?”

“Duh.”

“Two vanilla milkshakes and one chocolate.” they told the drive-though person.

* * *

“Logan, Valerie was wondering if you wanted to sign up for theater?” Joan said.

“No way!” Logan said, chatting with his tumblr friend.

anxietypersonified: my mom’s making me sign up for ice skating

anxietypersonified: I swear she wishes I was actually a girl

logic-for-the-damned: that sucks, man.

“Or ice skating? She’s helping out this year.”

“Sure.”

logic-for-the-damned: well I’m doing ice skating too

anxietypersonified: I wish we were doing it together

logic-for-the-damned: how do you say… same

anxietypersonified: 🤣

logic-for-the-damned: did I use it correctly?

anxietypersonified: yep.

anxietypersonified: gtg bye

logic-for-the-damned: goodbye  
  



	3. Chapter 3

Nico tossed their blazer onto a chair, revealing tattooed arms. “Angel, we’re home, just in time for movie night!” she called, grinning.

Angelica hurried down the stairs and into her S.O.’s arms. “What are we watching?” she asked, tracing one of Nico’s tats.

“Can we watch a disney movie?” Patton said eagerly.

“Disney sucks.” Nico groaned flopping on the couch, dragging Angelica down with them, making space for Patton between them. “I vote Dreamworks. Megamind or How to Train Your Dragon.”

“Shrek.” Patton said.

“Shrek, Shrek, Shrek.” Angelica started chanting and he joined in, sitting down with them.

“I should have expected this.” Nico said, turning on the TV and searching “Shrek.”

* * *

Logan lay on his bed, quietly letting music flow through his headphones as he hummed along. He was tired, socially exhausted from all the people. Especially Virgil. He was so infuriating, so fucking annoying. Logan sighed and took his phone up.

logic_for_the_damned: Are you awake?

anxietypersonified: dude, we met because we both have insomnia

logic_for_the_damned: true.

anxietypersonified: what’s up

logic_for_the_damned: you know that boy I hate?

anxietypersonified: it’s not like you rant about him everyday

logic_for_the_damned: I do.

anxietypersonified: sarcasm my dude

logic_for_the_damned: Ah.

logic_for_the_damned: His mother is my dad’s business partner.

anxietypersonified: dude same

logic_for_the_damned: I empathize.

anxietypersonified: weirdo

logic_for_the_damned: Precisely.

anxietypersonified: ok carry on spill the tea sis sksksksksk

logic_for_the_damned: Are you alright? 

anxietypersonified: take a wild guess my dude 

anxietypersonified: but do spill the tea 

logic_for_the_damned: No thank you. I have no tea, and even if I did, I wouldn’t want to ruin my bedspread.

anxietypersonified: it’s slang for tell me the gossip

logic_for_the_damned: Say that then.

anxietypersonified: but I wanna make fun of vsco girls

logic_of_the_damned: What is that?

anxietypersonifed: google is your friend

logic_of_the_damned: I hate you.

anxietypersonified: no you don’t

logic_of_the_damned: True.

* * *

“Remus!” Roman yelled upon seeing his twin.

“Ro!” They ran up to each other and hugged.

“I missed you!”

“Missed you too, dumbass.” Roman laughed and hugged him again. “Ok, so the tea on that boy you hate.”

“Ugh, his ren is partnering with Zaza on some creative project thing. Even though, no offense to Zaza, their music sucks, so either Nico Spencer’s writing sucks, or she’s deaf.”

Remus laughed. “So how’s Dee?”

“You think I talk to scene kids on a daily basis?!” Roman said dramatically. “He’s fine. He misses you _a lot_.”

“You’re damn right he does!” Remus joked. “How’s Zaza been?”

“Really forgetful.”

Remus sighed. “I wish I had Dee’s mom but not like Dee as a brother. I wish Zaza was like Fauna.”

“Yeah, Fauna’s pretty cool.”

Fauna was Dee’s mom. Like Mim, her husband had left her before Dee was born, but unlike Mim, she didn’t take it out on Dee.

“No offense to Zaza, but I was talking with some kids at school, and they check a lot of boxes for emotionally abusive.” Remus said, lowering his voice to a whisper. “At least neglectful. Talk tonight, k?” Remus gave Roman a sly grin and went to hug Mim.

* * *

Virgil: who are you and why did you give me ur no.

Unknown number: oh!, it’s Patton! :D

Virgil: and why…

Patton: You seemed cool!

Virgil: Ok.

Patton: Wanna see a cute dog pic????!!!!!

Virgil: sure

Patton: [sent “puppysmilingwithfloweronit’shead.jpeg”]

Virgil: cute

Patton: IKR!!!!!! :D :D :D

Virgil: wanna see meme

Patton: Sure!!!!!

Virgil: [sent “fuckthegovernment.jpeg”]

Patton: what?

Virgil: sorry that’s like a tier 5 meme

Virgil: my friend sent it

Virgil: his name is… actually idk. He goes by Logic. He’s like Logan Sanders if it was an alternate universe where he was like,,, a fucking decent person.

Patton: language!

Virgil: English.

Virgil: and italian

Virgil: gtg

Patton: Cya!!!

* * *

“Ren?”

“Yeah? It’s mom now by the way.” Nico smiled at Patton and he smiled back at her.

“It’s ok that I’m polyam and gay, right?”

“Of course!” she said, sitting next to Patton in his bed. “I wouldn’t have cared, as long as you were a good person. Do you wanna hear a story from when you were little? It’s more me being weird than you but…?”

“Of course!”

* * *

_Nico Spencer walked his kid to the school door. It was Patton’s first day of school and he was wearing a pink skirt and borrowed he/him pin. He smiled at Nico, and Nico smiled back. “You want a hug, kiddo?”_

_Patton shook his head. “No thanks. High five.”_

_Nico grinned. “Course, buddy.” He raised his hand and Patton hit it with glee._

_“Bye, Mom!”_

_“Bye, Patton! Have fun! Love you! Remember that you’re an individual!”_

_As he walked away from the school he could feel eyes on him, and he sneaked a glance. They were the popular moms, the ones that judged your every move._

_Nico knew he didn’t exactly look like the perfect parent. His tattoos coated his arms, a risky decision he only regretted because he hated pain. His leather jacket was tied around his waist, and he was wearing black skinny jeans and bulky combat boots. His tee shirt read “f*ck gender and f*ck the government”, although it was actually starred out. His hair was gelled in spikes for confidence, and the tips were dyed purple._

_But Nico also knew that he wasn’t going to let some bitchy moms judge him._

_“You have a problem?” he yelled at them._

_“Yeah!” the head conformist said. “How dare you raise a child like that?”_

_“Like what? Like a person accepting of shit?”_

_“This is school yard.”_

_“All the kids are inside.” he raised his arms and gestured to the empty playground. “Hey. I’m Nico, you?”_

_The anti-vaxxer raised an eyebrow. Nico raised one right back. “You really want it?”_

_“Well, I’m assuming you don’t just want to be known as ‘bitch’ in my head.”_

_“My name is Mary. Why are you named_ Nico _if you’re a girl?” Mary spit the word ‘Nico’ as if it was an insult._

_“First, I’m not a girl. I’m legally a woman. Second, I’m not a girl because I am literally not a binary gender. Read the shirt_ Mary _.” Nico used the word ‘Mary’ as an insult right back._

_“And you think the kid can grow up without a mom?”_

_“He has a mom.”_

_“He?!”_

_“Oh did you think a skirt was the be all end all for gender?”_

_“Why did you let the_ boy _wear a skirt?”_

_“Because he wanted to. Am I one to judge?”_

_“What if he’s a tranny? Or a faggot?”_

_“Watch your words,_ bitch _!” Nico yelled. “If my kid isn’t a boy I’ll be fine! If my kid isn’t straight I’ll be fine! I am better than my parents, and I’m better than you! I pity your kid!”_

_“Jordan won’t be a tranny or a fag like you and your kid!”_

Crack! _Nico’s fist connected squarely with Mary’s face. “Fuck. You.” Nico said as she drew a hand away from her face, gaping at the blood that was coming off on her fingers. “Don’t go to the community clinic. My wife isn’t going to give any better care than a punch.”_

_“Like I’d go to that clinic for poor people.”_

_Nico rubbed his temples. “You, ma’am, are a bitch. Count to ten, Nico.” he said, not minding the looks they gave him for talking out loud. “Ten.”_

_And if a Bo Burnham quote drifted through his brain he wouldn’t tell anyone._ One, two, three, whore - I mean four, shit, three, four, five, bitch - I mean six, shit.

* * *

“You really punched her?”

“She deserved it.”

“Oh, totally.”

“Does mom know?”

“Duh! I tried to get her to break the hippocratic oath if Mary came to the community clinic. She refused, and Mary didn’t go there anyway.”

“Jordan’s the bully at our school. You know Mr. Sanders’ kid? Jordan’s the only one that bullies him.”

Nico sighed. “I wish he turned out gay and cursed out Mary.”

“So do I.”

“Mom?”

“Yeah?”

“Why did you choose me? You could have chosen anyone. And don’t give that ‘you looked like mom’ shit. I’m sure there were plenty of black kids, why the black/asian mix?”

“First, you look like her for so many more reasons than you were black, please never feel that way. Second, I don’t know. We saw you and were like that was the one. We were just meeting kids to see if we wanted a kid. I didn’t want a kid till we met you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. And I’m glad that we got you.”

“How weirdly did they look at you? The punk and the femme coming in?”

“They though I was an adoptive brother at first. She had to say ‘this is my _spouse_ Nico’ before the lady got it. I hated that lady. Racist as fuck. Nearly said ‘don’t you want a white one’ to us. Could have been Mary’s sister.”

“God.”

“Kid, I wouldn’t have chosen a white kid over you, ok?”

“But you’re white.”

“And you’re Patton, the best kid.”

“What about the boyfriends I’m going to get?”

“You’re still the best.”

“You’re biased.”

“And? So?”

“Who’s Bo Burnham?” Patton deflected.

“That I have to show you!” she grabbed her phone and handed him an earbud.

* * *

“Ro, I want to run away.” Remus said.

“So do it.”

“I don’t want zaza to take it out on you!”

“What makes them abusive?”

“When they forgot to get groceries for a week; the fact they never take the blame, it’s always ‘I forgot’; that time they hit you and blamed it on being mad because dad left; the fact they blame everything on dad and their faulty memory! I fucking hate dad for leaving too, but it gives them no right to be like that. Roman, won’t you run with me? We can go to Dee’s house! Fauna will take us in!”

“Ok.” Roman said. “Go pack. Don’t be obvious.”

* * *

“Darling, I love you both, and we could probably fit you both, but does Ro, sorry hun, have a better place to stay?”

“I think so.”

“Fauna?”

“I’m sorry.” the woman said “But I have two kids to take care of. Remus can stay with Dee, but Remy doesn’t know Ro, and I don’t think that he’d be too comfortable on my couch.”

“It’s ok, ma’am. I think I know where I can go.”

“Roman, you sure?” Remus said, staring at his brother with concern.

“Uh, yeah. I think so.”

* * *

Logan scrolled through Tumblr aimlessly, humming along to Brendon Urie’s voice. He reblogged a few posts - one about the fucked up government, one about Area 51, one about racism, one about Percy Jackson.

A loud knock sounded from the door. He ignored it, because of course his dad would get it. Another knock. Logan sighed, taking his headphones off and setting his phone down. He walked down the hall and peeked into Thomas’ room. Thomas was asleep. He sighed and went to answer the door.

“Mr. Sanders, I know it’s… you aren’t Thomas.”

“No. I’m his kid. Established earlier tonight. Why are you here?”

“I ran away from home and I have no where to stay and I was wondering if I could stay here?”

“Ok. Um, we don’t have a guest room, but you could sleep on my floor tonight? I think the carpet would be comfortable enough? Dad’s asleep, but you can talk to him in the morning.”

“You’re house is fucking huge, how don’t you have a guest room?”

“We’ve discussed it. Get your shit and come on up.”

Roman grabbed his bags and followed Logan up to his room. In the hall they stopped so Logan could get blankets, which he threw on the floor.

“Sorry, it isn’t much.”

“No, it’s great, thank you.” Roman flopped on the floor and curled up in the blankets. Logan tossed him a pillow and turned off the lights before getting in the bed. For a few minutes it was silence, and then Roman spoke.

“Logan?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I- can I come up there and - you know what it’s stupid nevermind.”

“Yeah.” Logan said, hyper-aware he was blushing, which didn’t make sense. Why was he blushing?

“Thanks.” Roman said, crawling into bed next to Logan. Logan moved around a bit but Roman caught him by the waist. “It’s ok, I’m comfortable.”

Logan was now hyper aware of their position. He was curled against Roman’s side and Roman’s arm was wrapped around him. His face was in the crook of Roman’s neck. It was an inherently romantic position, but Roman didn’t seem to be complaining. Logan could _smell_ Roman, and for some reason it wasn’t gross. Logan was aware from reading several sci-fi and dystopian novels with unfortunate straight side plots that enjoying someone’s smell was part of cuddling. He was also aware that most boys at his school smelled like B.O. and axe body spray. Roman didn’t smell like that. He smelled like lilacs and cinnamon for some reason. How was that even possible?

“I can feel you thinking Microsoft Nerd.” Roman said. “Just deal with it.”

“Okay.” Logan breathed, and suddenly Roman was also aware of how they were pressed together.

Well they would just have to deal with it.

Even if both were dealing with a somewhat awkward problem.

* * *

Thomas groggily woke up. It was Saturday, thank god, so he didn’t have to wake Logan up. He was aware that his son had been up later than he was supposed to, so even if Logan was pissed that Thomas had messed up his sleep schedule, he could admit he got the right amount of sleep.

After one (or two) cups of coffee Thomas decided to wake up Logan. What he wasn’t expecting was Logan to be curled up with Mim Prince’s son.


	4. A question not an update

So. Y'all may know that Nico is me. Not based off me. Me, pretty much. Here's the thing. Angelica was based off my old crush. But now I have a gf. I am uncomfortable writing Angelica as Nico's wife, but everyone else is a single parent. What do I do? Please comment and advise! - mod Nico WHO IS WRITING THIS CLUSTERFUCK Eli fucking help me

EDIT: I no long have a girlfriend, but I'm still unhappy w/ having a fake SO so... I'll update soon I hope

EDIT II: you know what fuck it I'm keeping Angelica

EDIT III: Angelica is leaving but only cause i thought of plot points w/out her

EDIT IV: Eli now has a new account check out his account bluebastardboy

**Author's Note:**

> Sup your favorite ughdotcom mod and the cryptid mod are collabing!
> 
> Haha this is gonna be a mindfuck


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